Need Control

Need Control?

If you're scrambling to grasp at proverbial straws to regain some sort of sense of control in your life, then you need this one simple tip!

Are You Too Much of a Control Freak?

Do these statements sound familiar?

  • If your coworker or significant other would just change one or two things about him/herself, then you'd be happier. (So you try to “help them” change by repeatedly pointing out how/what they need to do to change)
  • You obsess over trying to make other people fit your expectations. (Because your way truly would be better for everyone)
  • You judge other people's behaviors based on right or wrong and make sure they know they would be better off to meet your expectations.
  • You provide “constructive criticism” to help guide them into becoming who you want them to become… (you know… for their own good)
  • You dictate how people think about you by deciding how you act and what you believe so they will accept you (even though that depiction doesn't necessarily align with who you really are).
  • You provide worst-case scenarios specifically to influence someone away from certain behaviors and toward other behaviors, often through fear-mongering.
  • You are uncomfortably uncomfortable with not knowing something.

If those statements sound like you, then you might be addicted to control.

A little control may be a good thing… controlling your actions to reach the next level of your career… controlling who you allow to surround you to avoid toxic relationships that hold you back… controlling how you respond to certain circumstances could mean the difference between attracting and repelling success in any area of your life.

However… too much control may strip your spouse, children, or work subordinates from feeling responsible for tasks you delegate to them. Over time, through your controlling needs, they may end up feeling:

  • incapable of delegating
  • overly submissive
  • overly rebellious (complaining, and maybe even try to sabotage your efforts and goals)
  • uninvolved
  • uncomfortable and incapable of making decisions,
  • disengaged
  • low self-esteem
  • lack motivation

Are You Struggling To Relinquish Some Control?

Many people addicted to control know they need to give up some control to avoid major upcoming stress attacks, anxiety, feeling continually overwhelmed, and obsessing over how no one is doing anything the way you told them to…

Because, let's face it, micromanaging what everyone is doing and how they are doing what they're doing takes up a LOT of time and energy!

While some stress can be beneficial… too much stress comes with some serious consequences.

  • Reduced energy
  • Headaches
  • Digestion troubles
  • Unexplained pain and tension
  • Chest pain
  • Rapid heartbeat (which for some people can be irregular too)
  • Insomnia
  • Increased sickness and infections
  • Nervousness or shaking
  • Ringing in your ear
  • Cold hands and feet (sometimes sweaty too)
  • Teeth grinding or jaw clinching

Imagine a life without going overboard on control…

Just imagine… the things you ask your spouse to do are suddenly getting done… no arguments… no drama… no nonsense… just a complete honey-do-list in time to mix your favorite drinks and sit on the back deck enjoying each other's company.

Just imagine… the things you ask your work colleagues to do are suddenly getting done… no fuss… no stress… no drama… no “going knee-deep in someone a$$” (as we would say in the military) to get things done. Just completed tasking in time for everyone to go home to their families and/or hobbies.

Just imagine… everything is getting done peacefully without you needing to run around like a chicken with its head cut off. 

Doesn't that sound great??? No fuss… no mess… no heart palpitations… Just productivity.

So here you are… a total control freak daydreaming about how nice it would be to not need to constantly be in control. But… how are you supposed to control your way into not being controlling?

4 Beneficial Ways to Curbe Control-Freak Habits

While there are many different ways to cope with stress and relinquish the need to control all the details in what you're doing, there are natural methods to help you resolve the root of the problem.

1. Remove Harmful Chemicals Impacting Your Mind and Body From Your Home and Office

After developing some intense medical conditions, I ended up completely consumed with controlling everything I possibly could control (thanks to not having any control over my failing body). I can't count the number of doctors who offered me “a pill to help with that” and who mentioned I was “too concerned about my health.” Having dealt with “pill fatigue” for several years, the last thing I wanted was for some pill and all its side effect glories to take away another piece of who I was (yes… more control).

When I realized the benefits of leading a more natural lifestyle, I started paying attention to the emotional benefits of it too. Simply removing harmful chemicals from my home helped my physical and mental health significantly.

It's crazy that common chemicals that may be lurking in your home may be causing your mind to stress more than needed, and therefore feel the need to control more than you should be worried about.

2. Using Aromatherapy To Settle Down and Curb Control-Freak Habits

Imagine for a moment…

You're standing there completely consumed by stress and anger because once again no one is listening to you. Moms know this all too well with children with popular memes running rampant on Pinterest about how after you fail to do the chores the way mom told you to first. And then we all know Corporate America (and the military) aren't short of their own incompetent workers too.

So there you are… feeling full of rage because once again it is up to you to clean up the mess caused by everyone not listening and not doing things the way you want them to. You feel that anger starting deep down in your core, and quickly (yet somehow in total slo-mo) that raging angry feeling is creeping up your torso, down your arms and legs, and up your neck until you're completely consumed.

And then… you take a brief moment to sniff that little bottle hiding in your bag. That sweet vanilla-lime aroma is oddly reminiscent of a margarita… bringing back memories of your younger days out with friends at Taco Tuesday. You stop in your tracks, feeling that frustration quite literally melt away. No more palpitations. No more feeling overwhelmed with rage… it is all gone… and you briefly smile with your newfound independence.

No… your “give-a-damn” didn't break… you're just relaxed and ready for some enjoyment from life. Nothing good comes from an angry state of mind anyways.

My favorite DIY essential oil blend for curbing my need to be overly involved in everything is to add 3 drops each of cypress and orange essential oils into a diffuser (or 1 drop each onto diffusing jewelry). Using oils that help support your liver (like citrus oils, lavender, peppermint, and lemongrass), large intestines (such as fennel, peppermint, or ginger), and kidneys (like fennel, juniper, citrus oils, and lemongrass) also helps with coping through relinquishing some of that control and also some of that associated anger and fear emotions too.

Of course, you Don't need so much DIY or confusion…

Of course here in our home, we understand being too busy for DIY and research on how to use them. Adding essential oils to your routine doesn't need to be complicated (we LOVE promoting simplicity in your life).

Having an oil blend pre-made that you can just drop into a diffuser or onto a piece of jewelry is super convenient, especially without having to worry about which ones mix well with others.

My favorite pre-made essential oil blends to help your mind take a chill pill from needing to control everything are Joyful Moments, Sweet Oasis, Tranquil, Calming, Love, and Mother's Touch.

3. Take the Jump…

I'm curious… would you take the leap out of a perfectly good airplane?

I remember back in 2011… I was attending college at Virginia Wesleyan University pursuing a business degree and produced a marketing plan for a local nonprofit that helps combat disabled veterans launch their marketing program and fundraising.

Veteran causes are very near and dear to my heart, especially after seeing how easy it is for veteran's health services and other programs to fail to actually help veterans who need it the most.

While sitting at a long table, talking with the founder of The Combat Wounded Coalition and his wife, I was asked to go skydiving with a group of 200 wounded guys.

I remember laughing in front of the founder, a combat-wounded seal.

Why should I jump out of an airplane, when I couldn't even ride an elevator without having a low blood pressure spell and fainting? I couldn't even walk unassisted… why would I jump out of an airplane???

Why would I jump out of an airplane when nothing in my life was any picture of health… heart palpitations… seizures… random unconscious spells… ridiculously low blood pressure spells… besides, no doctor in their right mind would say that was a good idea…

I had better control over my body when I could decide when I needed a break, when I needed to sit, and when I needed to go home and hide from the world under a pile of blankets on my unmade bed.

… But I did it anyway…

I remember giggling quietly as a double amputee swung his legs back and forth, reminding me of a little kid unable to touch the floor.
We were asked to tuck our feet behind the butt of the guy we were jumping tandem with. The amputee next to me, with both legs ending just below his knees, asked his jumping buddy if he still wants his feet behind his butt.

I will never forget:

  • the courage of those men I jumped with…
  • the humor of those men I jumped with…
  • that moment my stomach dropped when one of the amputees waved to me with a big smile on his face before stepping back into the clouds…
  • feeling absolutely terrified in complete free fall… attached to a complete stranger… with absolutely no control whatsoever of what was going to happen next…

I felt terrified that I was going to lose consciousness…

Then the parachute deployed. I was yanked upwards, suddenly and without warning.

And everything stopped… the panic… the uncertainty… the fear… the need to control… everything stopped. I questioned a few times if I was actually awake or if I had slipped back into paralyzing unconsciousness (yes… I was still awake).

While floating through the clouds, overlooking farmland, completely out of control, I felt completely at peace.

And through that experience, I was once again transformed into a student.

Lessons you can only learn after jumping out of a perfectly good airplane:

  • It is ok to give up control…
  • See the beauty of the world from a larger viewpoint…
  • You can find peace, even when life is full of chaos…
  • Life and time both have worth… (don't squander it away consumed in negativity)
  • Fear is a fickle thing…
  • While fear can be crippling, in the end, it doesn't control us. (It is something that can be faced and overcome.)
  • Those thoughts in the back of your mind that provide you with nothing but whispers of self-doubt… those are just thoughts… (thoughts don't control you or what you do… you can ignore the unproductive ones)
  • You choose what you do.

Why jump out of a perfectly good airplane?

Because it provides some intense liberation that takes you outside your own head… outside your fears… outside your control…

Because it gives you a whole new perspective that you can't find anywhere else.

Sometimes you can even find purpose within yourself.

Either way, it changes you. It changes your perspective… how you see, think, and feel.

I do believe this is especially useful when thinking about jumping into your own thing… starting your own business… diving into some personal development… or following an old dream that you buried long ago in piles of excuses.

I'd like to encourage you to find a place to go and take the leap.
Liberate yourself.

Overcome some fear, overcome your perpetual need to control everything, and overcome those mental blocks that keep you stuck.

4. Fix Your Gut, Heal Your Mind

It is normal to feel anxious, stressed, and seeking to control everything you can when your insides aren't cleansed or in balance.

The vagus nerve runs from your gut to your brain, a crucial part of your gut-brain axis, carrying signals back and forth. These signals impact your mood and overall mental health, in addition to whether the rest of your body is functioning optimally.

I love using the Fundamentals and Edge supplements to help with mine (or save money with the Starter Pack). I've noticed since focusing on gut health in recent years, my own focus has improved, my natural energy has increased, my mood has softened, my need to control has decreased, and I'm enjoying life much more, even with enduring many stressors related to life as a military wife and mom.

Summary and Action List To Reducing Your Need to Always Be in Control

  1. Ditch toxins in your home that are unnecessarily spinning you up
  2. Take a time out with some aromatherapy
  3. Go on a skydiving adventure, or do something that helps calm your mind
  4. Uplevel your gut-health

Author: Nicole Graber

Title: Writer, Editor, Wellness Consultant, Business Strategist

Expertise: Natural Wellness, Healthy Lifestyle, Home Business Strategy, Motherhood


Nicole is a writer, healthy lifestyle consultant, and faith-based business strategist at Gracefully Abundant, with bylines on MSN and the AP newswire. As a survivor of homelessness and chronic health issues, she discovered a purpose in guiding people toward a healthier lifestyle and increased income.

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